You May have thought I meant virus. No I meant beer… Just stop drinking it and tomorrow you will start feeling ok! Easy as that.
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Android to Dumb Down New IOS for iPhone Users
At the small tech convention this year in a privet meeting one of Android’s executive talked about how they were trying to corner the market. They will attempt gain more business from iPhone users with their new Android ISO. The new Android IOS will be far less complicated/dumbed down so that the target capture market will change over to Android.
Some of the new features that this IOS will have is a one button system. The Android executive reportedly sated “There will only one button and that will be called the “DO” button which will cutdown confusion with the new iPhone users.” Other reported functions were as fallows to select applications on the new IOS you would need to beat it vigorously against a large rock.
The new IOS would also have a new phone. The phone will look much like a Fisher Price play phone and be made out of the cheapest material possible. The executive reportedly mentioned “We will make billions of dollars off of this new phone. First off of initial sales and then of resales.” The executive went on to mention that none of the damage the phone would sustain from every day use would be covered under warrantee or replacement plan. “The stock holders think its brilliant and will make them a lot of money.” The executive reportedly exclaimed.
The cost of the phone for everything is reportedly pennies compared to the standard Android phone and the price for the new phone and IOS for iPhone users will be so high that the profit margins will skyrocket. The Android executive feels that this strategy will work and they will make the best profits they have in years.
President Trump to Have Sex Change
It has been reported to this news outlet from several Whitehouse staffers that. They have over heard that President Trump has been talking about having a sex change as of recently. This comes as a shock to the republican party as well as the LGBTQ community.
Several Whitehouse staffers have come forward with information but have chosen to remain anonymous as to not incur possible punishment for releasing the information. Trump was misquoted as saying “Grabbing myself by the pussy was the only logical next step.” as well as “I feel it is the only way to get Mike Pence to love me again.” It is said that he also hopes to ask Caitlyn Jenner for advice and council as to how to go about the change, what he needs to do, and which doctor Jenner used to avoid looking like a man in drag.
It is said that members of the LGBTQ community are in shock to discover this. Many have said they will not rally behind President Trump either way. Without naming any names we have heard many say “He is still not my president” as well as “really he would make a really ugly woman I mean come on he is a Cheeto for god sakes.” It would seem that many people do not want to rally behind him.
As for his own political party the we have heard a few things from around the capital. Some have mixed feelings about the President\’s decision. Many Republican party members have said “really my god really?” Others have said “well hell if he does it, I may just give it a go” and made hand gestures as to say they would try and sleep with the President.
This news facility has not tried to reach out to the President for questioning due to lack of true interest in the story.